Don’t want to think about it April 24, 2006
I’m good at avoidance, especially (usually, anyway) avoiding thinking about things that upset me—it’s one thing that makes me a superb procrastinator. But I’ve reached a point where I haven’t been able to avoid thinking about next week. See, I’ve been so good at avoiding thinking about it, that most of you are going, “Uh, what about next week?”
For the last five years I’ve known that I have a uterine fibroid. The doctor who diagnosed it is one I will never go back to. Didn’t like her. Didn’t like the way her office was run. Didn’t like her staff. Among other things, she managed to put me in immediate and total reaction, by smiling and acting all happy when she told me that she wanted to give me a hysterectomy. I opted to try other things first.
The “other things” I tried included acupuncture and herbs (worked, but expensive and very bad tasting, so I stopped), and progesterone cream (didn’t work), and avoidance (also didn’t work). Meanwhile, my monthly visitor started coming every twenty days instead of once a month, and now lasts for a good ten days. I go through about fifty tampons every cycle, as well as bunches of overnight pads and pantiliners.
Last year we found out about a different doctor who is into options. Dave told me to call for a consultation. I couldn’t do it. I had the phone number right here, even started to dial it a few times, but I couldn’t make the call. I did, however, agree to go meet the doctor if Dave made the appointment and drove me to it. He agreed.
In February we went and met this doctor. No poking, no prodding were done (well, except for getting weighed, and getting my blood pressure taken). We talked about options. Obviously, the options actually available to me completely depended on the size of the thing. Since we both liked this new doctor, we agreed to submit me to a couple tests, then talk about my options. Dave escorted me to the lab for blood work that very day, and the following week my dear friend Beth drove me back for a pelvic ultrasound.
When the doctor called with the results and recommendations, we were both on the phone. I’m anemic. Not a big surprise. She put me on iron supplements as well as an increase in iron-rich foods, which I do believe are helping. I don’t feel quite as tired as I had. But the one fibroid that I have is huge. Just huge. She bandied about the word “volleyball” to describe the size. That limits the options available to me. We weren’t surprised. She did manage to come up with options for me, though, which was amazing to me. From what she could tell from the tests, everything else looks good and healthy.
And she cares. It’s clear.
After all this time, after all the superb avoidance techniques employed, I am now scheduled for a hysterectomy. It’s next week. I know that when it’s all said and done, and I’m all healed up, and I can lie on my stomach again (you have no idea how long it’s been since I could do that), I know that I’ll be glad. I’ll be able to have a life again. But in the meantime… I’m scared. Very scared.
I thought it was about time I shared. I know I’m not alone in this. I know a lot of women who have had it done, and they are all glad. I’m sure I’ll be very glad, too. But in the meantime, I’m still scared.
Kiwi Jo April 24
I’d be scared too but it sounds like you have a wonderful doctor and a lot of support from your hubby. Everything will go well and before you know life will be so much more comfortable for you. ((Hugs))
Jinshin April 24
I’ve often said that the thing that scares you the most is something you HAVE to do, because it will change your life the most for the better. You have a great support system, and it sounds like a wonderful doctor. {{{{Laura}}}}
Jenna April 24
We’ll be rooting for you, Laura! If you can bring yourself to it, please let us know at least the day you’re going, if not the approximate time. I’d love to send you some positive vibes.
I can totally appreciate that you are scared. Surgery is scary. Period. But you’re right; you are going to be SO glad that you did it. And like Jo said, it sounds like you have a wonderful doctor and obviously your DH has been right there for you and will continue to be so.
Just think, in a matter of weeks or months, you are going to be living a life with a lot less pain and no more fibroids to worry about. You’ll probably feel a lot better, too, to not be feeding and carrying around what is probably several pounds worth of tumor!
*HUGE hugs*
P.S. Maybe you can talk Dave into letting you reroute the money from ‘pons and pads into stash enhancement?
Kim April 24
Laura, you’ll be in my thoughts. I know surgery is scary and I can totally relate to your experience with the first doctor. I won’t even go into my medical profession rant right now. You hang in there; I’ll be sending positive vibes your way
patternnuts April 24
My heart goes out to you. Surgery is scary. And so is baring the discomfort you have for so long…
Please do share the date with us.
You have a wonderful support system with your DH and Dr. And imagine, like Jenna said= less down the feminine aisle in the store >those things aren’t cheap!>and more in the stash!)
I was nervous at 18 when faced with the possibility of a hysterectmy and I was Feb 04 knowing what I have and still- I was nervous. But i feel so much better now! It’ll all be so much better for you. And feel free to send me an email if you just need to vent! I am here for you!
Nicki April 24
{{{{{hugs}}}}} Laura. I wrote a long comment and Blogger went down and I lost it! But the gist was that you’ll be fine. It’s normal to be scared too, but your doc sounds really good and those surgeons do this sort of operation all the time, so they’ll really know their stuff. And you’ll feel so much better when you’ve recovered
It’ll be wonderful!
Let us know when you’re back home. Lots more {{{{hugs}}}}
Rose April 24
{{{{hugs}}}} to both you and Dave. The days before the surgery will be difficult, as will the days after. Just know that there are many of us that care about you greatly and will be there to support you in every way we can. My thoughts, prayers and hugs are with you both.
Sandysknitting April 24
I will be keeping you in my good thoughts and prayers next week. Which day is the surgery being done?
So, here’s my story, the short version. I’ll tell more, if you are interested.
My first diagnosis of fibroids came at age 23, 5 months after our wedding. It devastated me/us. Ultrasound wasnt’ like it is now and we had no idea until after the surgery was complete whether I had a hysterectomy or not. This was the deciding factor of our future family.
I didn’t have a hysterectomy that day.
2 kids, many years:yadda:yadda!:)
My period has always been horrible. When it got a bit more horrible, I was then diagnosed again with fibroids, with the thought that something has to be done. They were big and nasty. I put it off. I put it off. Until I became so sick and anemic that I could not lift my arms or stay awake after 6 pm. I got dizzy, almost passing out daily. I was short of breath and my life was greatly altered. I was afraid there was something wrong with my heart. Anemia. It was horrible. I had iron shots 3 times a week for 2 months to build my strength while hormone pills stopped the horrible bleeding. You know about that yourself. It’s awful. And confining. (Can’t go on vacation during my period, need to be near a bathroom! )
Finally I got a hysterectomy done. At age 39. This was 6 years ago and I have never looked back. It was the best thing I have ever done. Honestly. It hurts, yes. It is scary, oh YES. But it is good.
know that you are doing the right thing!
Sandy
sanhurl@comcast.net
http://sandysknitting.com
Jenn April 24
{{{{Laura}}}}
I don’t have anything new to add that hasn’t already been said, but know that I’m thinking ’bout ya!
Karen April 24
{{{ hugs }}} Surgery is always scary, but it’s all going to be fine, and just think of how much easier your life will be when you no longer have to deal with such issues every month. You’re in my thoughts!
Senorita Stitches April 26
Laura, You know what I went through. I am fine. It’s ok that has come to this point because NOW you can be healed. I did the avoidance thing too. I understand.
Much love,
Veronica
Marie April 27
Lots of virtual hugs and hand squeezes for you! I completely sympathize…surgery is rather terrifying. I’ll be sending good vibes and happy thoughts to you through the week.
Anonymous April 28
Haven’t been online much lately, at home today. (getting ready, it’s the only way I can do this!) Got a bit caught up on various blogs of people I know and just read this now. I knew you were in for surgery coming up on the third, but really didn’t know exactly why, etc.
I look forward to seeing you VERY soon providing all is okay with you tomorrow. Take care of yourself, and please know you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Sue